The Dance Of Kindness And Forgiveness

 

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Oh Yes We Dance

In healing some of my body and mind in the last year through eating WFPB oil free low glycemic Index, low fat, no oils, I want to write about Kindness and Forgiveness as we interact with each other.

We live on the same planet and interact with each other in person and online, weaving in and out of contact with one another. It can be a puzzle why people act or respond as they do. Our own wounds and stresses can keep us from knowing how we come across to people. Other times they can also make one more sensitive and get easily hurt.  At times it’s easy to relate to a person and other times we feel frustration or confusion from interactions. There is a type of dance going on related to the presence of or lack of kindness and forgiveness as we are on our own journeys through life.

 

Obstacles

A guided image experience:

It’s difficult to dance effectively in life if layers of physical and emotional pain are present. Let’s see if you can put yourself in this persons shoes. Imagine living under all this for decades:

Imagine your body experiencing pain similar to being on “the rack” the majority of the time year round for a decade or two. Nothing completely remedies the severe pain. The pain is all over your body.  There is no cure.

Your health disorders, especially the rare one, are unforgiving in how they respond to stress. That is regardless of how well you deal with difficulties and because of that your specialists advise you to protect yourself from needless stresses when possible.

Your young daughter was a homicide victim from the actions of someone you trusted. You yourself are the victim of child abuse and relationship abuse. And add in the craziness that can come from family who are dismissive and not supportive. You suffer PTSD symptoms for decades. It gives you the  feeling that no one can relate to you because of it. Your grief is there no matter what you do and think. Co existing with it is the best you can do. You decide to try to have a good meaningful life but it’s all still part of how you experience life.

Your son is wonderful guy who is disabled and the world does it’s best to keep him from succeeding so you do what you can to teach him to advocate politely for himself, because you can’t be momma bear for ever. Lots of battles for his safety and equal opportunities when he was a child. You never got to be the mom who just brought in pizza and soda for the class and attend PTO meetings.  Instead when your health depends on low stress to not feel tortured, lack of regard from the school for your son means you had to be “that parent” who has to speak up when it counts. had to speak up frequently. You lose jobs because of all the meetings with your son’s school that it takes. Never is your son the issue, its the world that you can’t trust to be decent towards him that is the problem.

You make it though. Your son grows up safe and is his own best advocate. But your body is now fully riddled with your disorders that multiple doctors agree you have had.  PTSD is still there, but you are coexisting with it.  You are physically and mentally worn down.

Every bit of stress causes disease based pain and disables you.

That guided imagery was a short version of my journey in life thus far. It’s not a full account, because that would be a book (as would be anyone’s account of their life journey). The great news is that through changing my diet a year back, I’ve had a reduction in the stress and I can more honestly see my short comings in it all. I also have more empathy for others including those who put stress in my life. At the same time I also better know how to put boundaries between them and I.

Life doesn’t allow much room for any of us to say “woe is me” but that doesn’t make us less covered with the scars. We all experience this. Some of us have had more burdens than others, but it’s not a contest. The human journey is much easier when we live it through compassion, kindness and forgiveness.

What I am saying is that ANY OF US can. A-N-Y O-F U-S can have life give us zero left to do more than roll out of bed in the morning and sometimes not even that. You never know what someone is dealing with and it’s so easy to judge. Usually the ones yelling “push through it”, have not dealt with the same set of situations.  By human nature we each are pretty short sighted.  Assuming that any of us would handle it better than the other person is obnoxious .  Really most of us would be embarrassed if we understood what goes on around us and from us better.

When You Or Someone Else Blows It

So in regards to Kindness and Forgiveness its important to understand all of that goes both ways. You have to be kind towards yourself and know you deserve to be treated with kindness. As life teaches us, we don’t always get what we want or deserve, but just know that you are worth kindness. You know who else is deserving of kindness? Every other living being on earth.  It doesn’t matter what is going on in your life.

Every other person on the earth is going to have moments where they are less than kind towards others. We humans are horrendously imperfect. People are not always going to understand or care what is going on with the other people. That is what makes the world a cruel place. Knowing all this doesn’t make us less harmed by it all or less responsible for our own parts in creating a toxic society.

When you come up short in how you interact with others for any reason, but especially if you know how much words and actions from others can hurt, there is an added responsibility for accountability.

I say this as someone who is that person you were asked to put yourself in the shoes of. I obviously have lived with a tortured soul and body for decades and have not always been as kind to people as I would want them to be towards me. My physical pain and PTSD won out. I fell short. I have not always been as patient as I could be.

Don’t get me wrong. I am a good, considerate person who doesn’t want to cause pain . But I know I am not 100% who I would like to be. But I am grateful for that insight.

Refusing To Add To The Problem

I come from a family or origin where admitting mistakes and shortcomings just didn’t happen. Hurt feelings and hurting others was shoved under the rug. Feeling hurt was forbidden and apologies never happened.  We aren’t talking about small insignificant stuff either.

I have found that there is great peace and freedom though in defying those family norms. It’s a more genuine life to take personal responsibility towards my role in the welfare of others and myself. If I blow it and know it, I take responsibility for it.  It allows me to be more empathetic towards others and expect more from myself.

So to those I have wronged out of just surviving the pain and anguish, I am sorry. You can forgive me or not.  And to those who have wronged me by cruel words, actions that many would say are unforgiveable, being less than kind, misjudging me and so on, I forgive you and wish you peace. I don’t even need your apology. I know the harm and damage you put in my life and I have no problem with calling it like it is, it should have never happened. But I go on with my life in peace and wish you the same.

We all are born into this world doing the best we can. We each have a responsibility for healthy boundaries, empathy and forgiveness when humanly possible. We only get one life. Let’s hope we don’t stumble as we dance more than reasonable.

 

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